Post re-run ... The TA-DA List

This post was originally published on January 17, 2012. I thought it was appropriate for this time of year because so many of you have never-ending to-do lists during the Holiday season. Take a moment. Slow down. Revel in what you did do at the end of each day.

Enjoy ...

Have you ever invested yourself totally and completely into a task only to have your heart crushed when what is noticed is what you didn't do rather than what you did do?

You know what I'm talking about. You clean the house from top to bottom, inside and out, every corner, every crack, every crevice. You get on your hands and knees, you scrub with a tooth brush. You clean until your fingers bleed. Then, someone comes along and wipes a finger along the one window sill you forgot to wipe and comments on the dust.

There's nothing worse than that feeling.

If we're lucky (and I most certainly am), we don't find ourselves in that situation with our husbands or family. If we are lucky, we are with people who love us and appreciate all that we do and would never dream of criticizing the things we don't do.

But, as women, as wives and mothers and homemakers, don't we do it to ourselves? Don't we spend all of our energies making a wonderful life for those we love and then turn around and beat ourselves up for what we didn't do today?

It's funny.

God is gracious enough to bring us together with men who treat us well and then we turn around and treat ourselves with criticism. Don't you think we owe it to ourselves to begin to appreciate all that we do and are and stop harping on all the things that we can't do or aren't?

I can't remember where I saw it (and I do apologize to whomever came up with this for my inability to give you credit), but I recently saw on another blog where a mother said something about her "Ta-Da List".

I fell in love. On. the. spot.

That tiny little phrase spoke to me on a deep level. It was something I desperately needed to hear.

I thrive on order, so I make myself lists. Lists upon lists of things to do. But, as we all know, getting everything on the list actually crossed off is near impossible. Well, maybe if I had a maid and someone else was teaching my children and I had no animals and could spend 100% of my time working on my lists without interruptions. But, yuck. Where would the joy be in life? What would be the point of the things on my list if I didn't have these sweet people to do them for?

Oh, but I digress. Back to the point.
I like lists. I do best when I have a plan of what I need to accomplish. The problem comes when the day is over (or whenever my mojo runs out) and the list is not completed. Now comes the guilt, the shame, the internal name-calling and degradation. I know I'm not the only wife/mother/homemaker/home-educator that does that!
What if we turned it around a bit and spent a few minutes at the end of our day noticing what we did accomplish? What if we focused just as much attention on our "Ta-Da List" as we did our "To-Do List"? Wouldn't that be a boost in our confidence and self esteem?
So, the other day, I did just that. I had about 15 to 20 things on my "to-do list". Things like baking muffins and doing school and reading my Bible and cleaning the kitchen well and taking a shower and cleaning the bathroom and blogging and calling my mom and balancing my checkbook and making phone calls and doing our library stuff online (what needs to be returned, reserve upcoming materials for school) and type out a poem for the Hippie to memorize and reply to two emails asking me questions about food (raw and vegan) and make dinner and make lunch and clean up after each meal and .....

I worked hard, but as you might have guessed, I did not finish everything that day. At the end of the afternoon, though, I took a minute to look at my "Ta-Da List". Here is what I had accomplished:

• Spent time with GOD
• Completed the day's school lessons
• Talked to my mom for over an hour
• Cleaned the kitchen WELL (dishes, appliances, sweep, mop, etc.)
• Published a blog post
• Prepared three healthy meals for my family from real, whole foods

I could have felt guilty (and believe me, I tried) about not baking muffins or replying to emails or getting to all of my office-type work. Instead, I felt good about what I had accomplished.
I had done the things that mattered most, really. I mean, what is more important than God, the education of my children, maintaining my relationship with my mother and feeding my family healthy and nutritious foods?
If you take what is most important to you (in my case, that would be God and Family) and what you accomplish aligns with that, what could really be wrong?
There's always tomorrow to get those other things done.
And, for the record, I did bake muffins the next day and as of this moment most of those other things have been taken care of. And, even if they haven't, I can feel good about what I have been doing. Taking care of my relationships with God and family, educating my children and maintaining my home to the best of my ability (amid constant interruptions and distractions) are things to be proud of!

TA-DA!!!!!

On trusting God and being thankful ...

I always found it silly that the Israelites continued to doubt God after He showed them time and time again that He was real and that He was taking care of them. First, He gets them out of slavery in Egypt, passing over their families when He took out the first born of every Egyptian home. Then, He parts the Red Sea to let them through when the Egyptians were coming after them. Then, He made it rain bread from Heaven, every single day to feed them when they were hungry.

He showed them repeatedly that He would not let them down. Yet, they doubted Him and feared the future at every turn.

When they first left Egypt, they found themselves in the desert, thirsty and tired. They were thrilled to find running water in Marah, but then quickly turned on Moses when they discovered that the water tasted bitter.

After a month or so, they began to complain about their lack of food, saying that they wished they were still in Egypt. Never mind the fact that God had led them out of slavery; their journey was less than perfect and so they complained.

God blessed them now with Manna from heaven ~ their daily bread, free, a gift from the Creator who loved them and cared for them.

When they came to the land of Canaan, they complained again to Moses that they had no water to drink. You would think that they would have learned by now that God would take care of their needs. As usual, God provided them with cool, clear water that they could drink and drink.

Not long after that, God gave them His Ten Commandments ~ His only wish was that they keep His commandments and in return, He would continue to care for them.

I'm sure you all know that one of those commandments is not to make any idol to worship. God asked something so simple ~ "I am the Lord, Your God, who brought you out of Egypt... You should have NO OTHER GODS before Me."

Simple.

Yet, when Moses took a little too long on the mountain, they grew impatient and weak. Again, they doubted God. So quickly they created that golden calf to worship in the place of God. I mean, really. What was wrong with these people? Were they really that dense that they still didn't get it?

As if that weren't enough, they continued to be ungrateful. God continued to send them their daily bread, Manna from Heaven, but do you know that they eventually complained about that as well? They grew tired of the Manna and wanted meat and vegetables and herbs and fish.

Here they were, being given food on a daily basis, directly from the hand of God, and yet they felt sorry for themselves. They were not satisfied. They were not content with what God had given them.

I've always found it interesting that these people took so much for granted. That they continued to doubt God, who continued to provide for them and take care of them and love them. It has always struck a nerve with me that these people behaved the way they did.

But, isn't it easier to see the wrong that others do (even those who came thousands of years before us) than it is to see what we do each day?

While I've always seen the wrong in the Israelites' behavior, I never equated that with my own daily behaviors.

Think about it. We all do it. God blesses us each and every day with a home to call our own (even if we are renting), food to eat, love of family ... just the simple fact of another day. And, yet, if we aren't careful, we can get grumbly just like the Israelites.

God gives us Manna, but we want vegetables and herbs.

God gives us a home, but we want more space. He gives us food to eat, but we wish we could afford to go out to eat. He gives us happy and healthy children, but we wish they would just listen better. He gives us everything we need, but we still find things to complain about.

The key is to truly find contentment in what you have been given. To know that all good things come from God and that we should be thankful for each and every gift He gives us.

Not only do we need to be thankful, though, but we must remember to trust God. Just as He continuously provided for the needs of the Israelites, He continues to provide for our needs, so there is no reason for us to doubt Him.

Today I am thankful for my home. It has its quirks and it most definitely isn't perfect, but it is a home.

Today I am thankful for my family. My children do not always obey immediately like little robots, but they are two of the kindest and most loving children I know. I get compliments on them constantly. I am always being told how well-behaved and well-mannered they are. I am always being told how kind they are to other children, how they make sure to include everyone in everything. They do listen to me and love me and respect me. They do vacuum the floors and do laundry and clean the bathroom and wash dishes ... and rarely complain about it. They shower me with hugs and kisses and more joy than one person could possibly ask for.

Today I am thankful for my husband. He works hard and loves me more than anything. He treats me like a Queen, even when I don't deserve it. He respects me and truly appreciates and gets all that I do.

Today I am thankful for my mother. I know with complete confidence that she loves me. If it were up to her, she'd talk to me every day. She is a good mom and I am lucky to have her in my life.

Today and every day, I give thanks to God for all of the amazing blessings He continues to bestow upon me.

Today and every day, I remember to trust God. He has gotten us this far, why on Earth would I ever doubt that He won't continue to provide for us on this Narrow Path that leads to Him?

Do you find yourself doubting God? Do you find yourself fearful of the future? Do you find yourself discontent with your life? If so, take a moment to think about the Israelites. Remember that He brought them out of Egypt, He gave them their daily bread, He provided for them. Do not doubt Him. He will do the same for you. Do not get grumbly. Give thanks!

The TRUTH about perfectionism and motherhood

I was totally prepared to do a post this week entitled "Impromptu Spring Break" instead of my usual "Week in Review". I was going to be crafty and make it look like it was planned, like we actually intended to take a break. I was going to tell you about the books the girls read and the field trip we took. I might have said something interesting about the Lego creations and our weekly Waldorf Handwork Group. I certainly would never have lied to you, but I might have portrayed an untruth by omission.

Then, I received a note (via Facebook) from an old friend about how much she loved my blog. She told me how informative she found my blog and how much she loved my info sharing. She told me that she often "steals" ideas from here (which is fantastic ~ I really DO want to help other Moms in my situation). She said she loved how I shared my planning and that it helped her immensely.

What struck me, though, was a comment she made about how she had been homeschooling for five years (this is only my third year) and she felt like I had a better set of goals than she did. She told me that she felt like she had been "surviving" for so long that she felt like she was always trying to figure this thing out. She talked about a "Home School Mommy Slump". She talked about feeling distracted (hey, didn't I just post about feeling distracted?). She talked about lacking "specific thoughts" and being easily side-tracked.

What really got to me was the way it seemed that she thought I didn't get like that. Did the moms on the other end of this blog not realize that I got distracted and side-tracked? Had I portrayed an image that didn't show how I often felt like I was still figuring this thing out? Did my readers not see my feelings of inadequacy? Had I never mentioned the "Home School Mommy Slump"?

One thing that I think is so hard for readers (women, especially) to remember is that people generally only feel inspired to write when they are feeling good. If I'm in a slump or a rut, I mope. I don't write. Then, when I emerge and feel better, I feel inspired to write about it. So, you're really only getting to see one side of the coin. I don't withhold information from you on purpose. I just don't feel like writing when I'm feeling like a failure or feeling sorry for myself.

I guess if I were to be totally truthful with you, I'd also mention that deep down, I don't want to display any of my less-than-stellar home school moments because I don't want to give ammunition to any of my doubters. You know as well as I do that if you choose this life, there are always going to be people who don't believe in what you are doing. I don't want those people to have any "I told you so" opportunities. But, I have enough faith in what I am doing that I must be strong. I must set aside my worries about anyone who doubts what I can do and be a true inspiration to others.

In my quest to show them that I can do this, I forgot about all of the readers out there who are moms just like me. I want to be an inspiration for those women. But, I also want to help those women. I want them to realize that the women who inspire them are just like them. I want them to realize that the women who inspire them, have faults and question everything just like they do. I want them to see that "inspiring women" don't have it all together any more than they do.

So, if I were to be totally honest here (and, in case you hadn't noticed, that is what I am trying to do), I'd have to tell you that I am like a bi-polar homeschooler. I have highs and I have lows. I get it all figured out and feel fantastic about my plans or how I'm doing. I feel good about "just plugging along". I feel good about everything. Then, out of nowhere, my outlook makes a complete 180. I question all of the plans I've made. I can't decide on my history cycle (four year or six year, family history or put them in their own Charlotte Mason year, etc). I feel disorganized (and, boy am I disorganized). I get totally confused. When I am confused, I don't want to continue. I just want to mope.

This is my third year of homeschooling and this is the first year that we have finally been as steady as we have been. I spent the first two years philosophy-hopping. This was much to the detriment of my children's education. I would start something, get confused and then completely stop. I hadn't yet learned that it was okay and normal to get confused. I would stop everything, tell the kids to go away (go play) and I would spend hours in front of my computer screen researching the next philosophy. I would read the blogs and think that everyone else had it together and I was a failure. I thanked God on a regular basis that my children were young enough that I wasn't causing as much damage as I would if say we just threw in the towel every other month of 8th grade or something.

** Something was lost here and I don't know what it was. Oh well, moving on. **

I also find that I am always learning about our family and how we roll. It's kind of like keeping a spending diary to see where you actually spend your money. I've had to observe what happens in our family naturally and maybe just flow with that instead of trying to fit us into some home school mold I've determined is "normal" from reading all of those blogs. I'm finding that maybe our "natural" flow is to be able to work hard for about four weeks and then we flop. Well, instead of feeling like a failure about that, why not make that our schedule? If we worked for four weeks and took one week off all year long, maybe we could maintain our steam and still fit in 36 weeks of school with ease? Again, slow and steady.

Back to the old friend that inspired this post. Let me just say, that given this particular Mom's situation, I most certainly would not have it together. Her husband is in the military. He is gone A LOT. He doesn't even live with them at this moment. He lives 3500 miles away. I need my husband on a daily basis. He doesn't make home-schooling decisions or anything, but I need his love and support. I need him to validate me when I feel like a failure. They move a lot. Anytime we have moved, home-school has always taken a back seat to life. Who can think about Ancient History or math facts when there are boxes to pack (and then unpack), new grocery stores to find, houses to organize and you can't find anything in your new place? She has four kids; I have two. I cannot even begin to imagine how one "schools" the older two with a toddler and a baby undertow or a demanding three or four year old whose needs seem to monopolize every moment of your time.

My point is that we are all in unique situations. We all do the best we can on most days. We all fail even on our best days. And, we all have days when we don't even try to do our best. Becoming a mother does not suddenly make us perfect human beings, without faults. We still carry the same issues and baggage with us. We only suddenly feel as if we are not allowed to have those faults. We place standards on ourselves as mothers that no one else would ever place on us. We forget that we are human. Through God's grace, we trudge on. One day at a time.

So, the truth about this week would not be that I had planned a nice break for us. The truth would be that I was busy on Monday and it wore me out. Then, I woke up on Tuesday and felt overwhelmed and just not "into it". I wasn't prepared for my week (such a help to be prepared in advance) and I just felt blah. The truth would be that I decided to take the week and "get caught up", but here it is Friday and I really haven't accomplished much of anything on that mental list. The truth would be that my house is still dirty. I still haven't prepared for next week's school (but I must do that before the week starts ... maybe when I finish this post). The truth would be that I have a ton of laundry piled up, a "to-do list" a mile long that I continue to ignore because it overwhelms me and a checkbook that desperately needs balancing. The truth would be that I have a school room that has piles and baskets and stacks of papers that need to be gone through (from all of those times that I get confused and try to make "new" plans ... that involves a lot of scratch paper). I have unused homeschool materials that I've needed to try to sell for a long time, but they still sit in my school room (would anyone be interested in my putting a list here on the blog?). I could go on about all of the truthfully imperfect things going on in my home, but I won't. A girl's got to maintain a bit of pride, right?

So, I will leave you with the thought (again) that we are all doing the best we can do in our situations. We try to do better, to be better, to improve all the time. We try because we love our children and we know that they are a gift on loan from God. We try because we know that God has faith that we can do this or He wouldn't have blessed us with these children in the first place.

We try to make our bed each day (to set a good example). We try to keep up with the laundry and the dishes. We try to vacuum and clean the bathroom before it gets too disgusting. We try to "do school" most of the time. We try to read to our kids and be loving and kind to them. We try to be their soft place to fall.

But, we also all fail at our attempts to be perfect every.single.day. No one can maintain perfection without failing. God just didn't make us that way. So, love yourself, faults and all. Try to see yourself as your husband does, as your children do, as GOD does. They all love you and think you walk on water. Try to live on that high for a bit.

Wishing everyone a blessed and peaceful Holy weekend. Whether you are Jewish and celebrating Pesah (Passover) or you are Christian and celebrating the resurrection of Christ or you are Pagan and celebrating the rebirth of the Earth each spring, enjoy the time with your families. Know that you are blessed and you are loved and you are perfect just the way you are because God made you the way He wanted you to be.

The TA-DA List

Have you ever invested yourself totally and completely into a task only to have your heart crushed when what is noticed is what you didn't do rather than what you did do?

You know what I'm talking about. You clean the house from top to bottom, inside and out, every corner, every crack, every crevice. You get on your hands and knees, you scrub with a tooth brush. You clean until your fingers bleed. Then, someone comes along and wipes a finger along the one window sill you forgot to wipe and comments on the dust.

There's nothing worse than that feeling.

If we're lucky (and I most certainly am), we don't find ourselves in that situation with our husbands or family. If we are lucky, we are with people who love us and appreciate all that we do and would never dream of criticizing the things we don't do.

But, as women, as wives and mothers and homemakers, don't we do it to ourselves? Don't we spend all of our energies making a wonderful life for those we love and then turn around and beat ourselves up for what we didn't do today?

It's funny.


God is gracious enough to bring us together with men who treat us well and then we turn around and treat ourselves with criticism. Don't you think we owe it to ourselves to begin to appreciate all that we do and are and stop harping on all the things that we can't do or aren't?

I can't remember where I saw it (and I do apologize to whomever came up with this for my inability to give you credit), but I recently saw on another blog where a mother said something about her "Ta-Da List".


I fell in love. On. the. spot.

That tiny little phrase spoke to me on a deep level. It was something I desperately needed to hear.


I thrive on order, so I make myself lists. Lists upon lists of things to do. But, as we all know, getting everything on the list actually crossed off is near impossible. Well, maybe if I had a maid and someone else was teaching my children and I had no animals and could spend 100% of my time working on my lists without interruptions. But, yuck. Where would the joy be in life? What would be the point of the things on my list if I didn't have these sweet people to do them for?

Oh, but I digress. Back to the point.


I like lists. I do best when I have a plan of what I need to accomplish. The problem comes when the day is over (or whenever my mojo runs out) and the list is not completed. Now comes the guilt, the shame, the internal name-calling and degradation. I know I'm not the only wife/mother/homemaker/home-educator that does that!


What if we turned it around a bit and spent a few minutes at the end of our day noticing what we did accomplish? What if we focused just as much attention on our "Ta-Da List" as we did our "To-Do List"? Wouldn't that be a boost in our confidence and self esteem?


So, the other day, I did just that. I had about 15 to 20 things on my "to-do list". Things like baking muffins and doing school and reading my Bible and cleaning the kitchen well and taking a shower and cleaning the bathroom and blogging and calling my mom and balancing my checkbook and making phone calls and doing our library stuff online (what needs to be returned, reserve upcoming materials for school) and type out a poem for the Hippie to memorize and reply to two emails asking me questions about food (raw and vegan) and make dinner and make lunch and clean up after each meal and .....


I worked hard, but as you might have guessed, I did not finish everything that day. At the end of the afternoon, though, I took a minute to look at my "Ta-Da List". Here is what I had accomplished:

• Spent time with GOD
• Completed the day's school lessons
• Talked to my mom for over an hour
• Cleaned the kitchen WELL (dishes, appliances, sweep, mop, etc.)
• Published a blog post
• Prepared three healthy meals for my family from real, whole foods

I could have felt guilty (and believe me, I tried) about not baking muffins or replying to emails or getting to all of my office-type work. Instead, I felt good about what I had accomplished.


I had done the things that mattered most, really. I mean, what is more important than God, the education of my children, maintaining my relationship with my mother and feeding my family healthy and nutritious foods?


If you take what is most important to you (in my case, that would be God and Family) and what you accomplish aligns with that, what could really be wrong?


There's always tomorrow to get those other things done.


And, for the record, I did bake muffins the next day and as of this moment most of those other things have been taken care of. And, even if they haven't, I can feel good about what I have been doing. Taking care of my relationships with God and family, educating my children and maintaining my home to the best of my ability (amid constant interruptions and distractions) are things to be proud of!

TA-DA!!!!!